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Articles by
River Clegg
River Clegg is a comedy writer living in Brooklyn. He contributes to McSweeney’s, The New Yorker, The Onion, ClickHole, and others. Eel enthusiast.
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April 14, 2025This Applebee’s Goes Hard
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March 25, 2025Acknowledgements
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November 27, 2024Prepare for the Inevitable Political Arguments at Thanksgiving with the Turkey Poncho
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October 25, 2024Here’s the Pitch
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January 12, 2024Martin Luther King Jr. Would Have Wanted You to Buy This Timeshare
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October 5, 2023I Am Still Scrolling and Would Like Very Much to Stop Feeling Things
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May 11, 2023This Counterfeiting Ring Needs to Make Some Changes
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January 5, 2023Inevitable Questions from My Daughter, and How I Plan to Answer Them
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September 13, 2022A Donation in Your Name
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May 11, 2022Other Rights the Supreme Court Will Get Rid of Because They Aren’t Deeply Rooted in History and Tradition
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March 11, 2022I Am Eight Years Old and Would Like a Batman Movie Aimed at Me, Please
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October 22, 2021Halloween Costume Ideas for New Parents
Trending 🔥
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April 25, 2025This Five-Hundred-Word Bumper Sticker on My Tesla Explains Why I’m Not a Bad Person
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May 5, 2025Lest We Forget the Horrors: An Unending Catalog of Trump’s Cruelties, Collusions, Corruptions, and Crimes
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April 21, 2025Getting Ahead of It: JD Vance Almost Definitely Didn’t Kill the Pope
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April 29, 2025Don’t Worry, We Were Prepared for Our Policies to Be Extremely Unpopular, Because They Are Very, Very Bad
Recently
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May 8, 2025Chekhov’s Gun, Applied to Motherhood
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May 8, 2025Letters to Moms: A Letter to Back to the Future’s Lorraine Baines-McFly
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May 8, 2025An Open Letter to Robert F. Kennedy Jr., Who Thinks My Daughter is a Tragedy
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May 7, 2025The Bells of Trader Joe’s: A Quick Reference Guide for Front-End Crew Members