I graduated in 2019 from Vassar with a degree in PR and communications. After studying abroad in Italia (check out my Instagram highlights), I thought I was qualified to apply for jobs abroad. I submitted my profile of reels and posts on Handshake, and by the grace of God—and a Canva Premium subscription—got a response. The Vatican was looking for help jazzing up their profile, and who better to run their brand than a Gen-Z American?

Catholicism has 1.2 billion followers, so they were influencers before it was a thing. I’m tasked with converting centuries of solemn tradition into swipeable, digestible, algorithm-friendly vibes for all of these people. I have to turn the oldest influencer into the newest, trendiest one.

Officially, my title is Director of Digital Evangelism and Brand Stewardship. Unofficially, I am the Vatican’s social media intern and sole poster on @TheVatican. I walk around the grounds and take photos of stained glass, Loewe-coded red loafers, and sometimes, the pope’s shadow looking “mysterious but approachable” (his words) against an eighth-century basilica wall.

This conclave, however, might be the biggest campaign of my career. I think I am approaching my viral moment. When the new pope is elected (still confirming with HR, things are weirdly hush-hush in the papal Slack), how should I go public?

None of my PR classes covered papal transitions. No one at Vassar taught a course called “Crisis Comms for When the Pope Dies and You Need to Announce the Next One Using Instagram Carousel Posts.” Either way, millions of people will be watching when the white smoke rises and the balcony doors creak open. I’ll be crouched behind a marble column, AirPods in, caption ready, thumb hovering over “Post."

There is talk about having a “progressive pope,” and I am, of course, on board. It is great for metrics to use trending #socialjustice hashtags. What am I doing if not adapting to the algorithm? Maybe I can even change the new pope’s profile picture for whatever History Month it is.

I really hope this will rid me of my Catholic guilt.

I have my emojis prepped. Praying hands 🙏. Dove with olive branch 🕊️. Fingers crossed 🤞. Heart eyes 😍. The caption is still TBD, but am thinking something like, “Heard y’all were waiting for #NewEra” or “It’s giving divine appointment. #PopeDrop2025.”

Soon, the world will ask: “Who is the new pope?”

And I will have the answer: “Swipe to find out.”