McSWEENEY'S INTERNET TENDENCY'S PATREON
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Articles by
Mike Langley
Mike Langley is a writer and a middle school English teacher in Brooklyn, NY. He is a Features Contributor at The Onion, and writes a weekly humor newsletter, The Libel.
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August 7, 2024Animal Farewells for the Sixth Extinction
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June 3, 2024We’re Having a Get-Together. Could You Bring Your Massive, Poorly Trained Dog?
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May 20, 2024So Sorry! Just Seeing Your Ransom Note Now
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March 20, 2024I Am the New York Times’ Paywall, and If I Let Any Non-Subscribers in, They’ll Kill My Family
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October 4, 2023Well, I May Have Debased Myself to Become Speaker of the House, but At Least I Didn’t Accomplish Anything
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September 5, 2023Our Self-Driving Cars Will Save Countless Lives, But They Will Kill Some of You First
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May 15, 2023I Will Defend Free Speech to the Death. Or Until an Autocrat Asks Me to Stop
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March 10, 2023The NYPD’s Right-of-Way Regulations for Bike Lanes
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October 31, 2022If Elected, I Promise to Murder You
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January 14, 2021Asking Me to Stop Beating You with This Sock Full of Quarters Will Only Further Divide Our Nation
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April 25, 2025This Five-Hundred-Word Bumper Sticker on My Tesla Explains Why I’m Not a Bad Person
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April 21, 2025Getting Ahead of It: JD Vance Almost Definitely Didn’t Kill the Pope
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May 5, 2025Lest We Forget the Horrors: An Unending Catalog of Trump’s Cruelties, Collusions, Corruptions, and Crimes
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April 23, 2025I Love You More Than Anything, but I Would Rather Die Than Talk to You on the Phone
Recently
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May 6, 2025My PR Degree Did Not Prepare Me to Run the Vatican’s Social Media. How Do I Launch the New Pope?
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May 6, 2025Introducing Our University’s New, Totally Reasonable Criteria for Promotion and Tenure
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May 6, 2025Phew, for a Minute There, I Thought the Arts Were Going to Get Too Much Funding
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May 5, 2025A Typical Episode of Sesame Street as Imagined by Conservatives