McSWEENEY'S INTERNET TENDENCY'S PATREON
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Articles by
Tyler Gooch
Tyler is a writer, comedian, and donut connoisseur living in Southern California.
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January 13, 2025An Apology from Snapple Regarding Several Snapple Facts That Went Out Last Year
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September 9, 2024A Math Exam, but Obviously Some Stuff Has Happened over the Summer in the Teacher’s Personal Life
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June 20, 2024What I Would Do If I Got Off the Roof of This Office Building and Were Elected President
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May 3, 2024Feelings and Situations for Which There Should Be a German Word Without an English Equivalent
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April 1, 2024What to Say When Your Family Opens Your Uncle’s Casket During His Wake and Finds It Empty
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December 20, 2023Abbott and Costello and the Grinch Watch a Baseball Game Between the Whos Down in Whoville
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November 28, 2023Please Buy Tesla’s Cybertruck, Which Is Cool, Not Stupid
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June 14, 2023Please Listen as Dr. Steiner: The Colonoscopy King’s Menu Options Have Changed
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April 4, 2023The Little Engine That Could, But Chose Not To
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February 8, 2023Who Is the GOAT: Jordan, Lebron, or Pythagoras?
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January 27, 2023How to Talk to Your Child about the Second Blippi
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May 18, 2022A Passenger’s One-Star Review of the Trolley Ride from the Trolley Problem
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April 25, 2025This Five-Hundred-Word Bumper Sticker on My Tesla Explains Why I’m Not a Bad Person
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May 5, 2025Lest We Forget the Horrors: An Unending Catalog of Trump’s Cruelties, Collusions, Corruptions, and Crimes
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April 21, 2025Getting Ahead of It: JD Vance Almost Definitely Didn’t Kill the Pope
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April 23, 2025I Love You More Than Anything, but I Would Rather Die Than Talk to You on the Phone
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May 7, 2025The Bells of Trader Joe’s: A Quick Reference Guide for Front-End Crew Members
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May 7, 2025I’m the Imaginary Migrant Who Crossed the Darién Gap to Vote in the United States
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May 6, 2025My PR Degree Did Not Prepare Me to Run the Vatican’s Social Media. How Do I Launch the New Pope?
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May 6, 2025Introducing Our University’s New, Totally Reasonable Criteria for Promotion and Tenure