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How to Write Every Speech You’ll Ever Need to Give in Your Life
In this column, professional speechwriter Chandler Dean provides partly satirical, partly genuine “How To” advice focused on a hyper-specific subcategory of speeches—from graduation speeches to wedding toasts to eulogies, and all the rhetorical occasions in between.
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June 17, 2024How to Respectfully Decline an Invitation to a Social Obligation You Simply Do Not Feel Like Attending
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May 22, 2024How to Craft a Eulogy When All You Want to Do Is Crawl in a Hole
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May 1, 2024How to Do Really Really Well at Show-and-Tell
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April 16, 2024How to Roast Your Friend Just Enough That They’ll Want to Remain Your Friend
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March 29, 2024How to Concede an Election While Making It Clear That Your Ideas Are Objectively Better
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March 8, 2024How to Accept an Award Without Making Your Voters Regret It
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February 26, 2024How to Give a Wedding Toast Without Annoying Hundreds of Hungry Guests
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February 7, 2024How to Give a Toast to a Departing Coworker
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January 22, 2024How to Nail Your High School Graduation Speech Even If You’re Not That Popular
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April 25, 2025This Five-Hundred-Word Bumper Sticker on My Tesla Explains Why I’m Not a Bad Person
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May 8, 2025An Open Letter to Robert F. Kennedy Jr., Who Thinks My Daughter Is a Tragedy
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May 5, 2025Lest We Forget the Horrors: An Unending Catalog of Trump’s Cruelties, Collusions, Corruptions, and Crimes
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May 6, 2025Introducing Our University’s New, Totally Reasonable Criteria for Promotion and Tenure