1. One bottle Jack Daniels, empty.
2. One bottle rocket, large (“Tank”), fired.
3. Three “Fun Size” Snickers bars, unopened.
4. Seven cans Bud Lite, opened, assumed empty (w/box).
5. Three bottles Diet Pepsi, empty.
6. Two bottles Seagram’s Gin, empty.
7. One plastic coffee mug w/lid.
8. One Trojan “Shared Sensation” Condom (in wrapper, unopened).
9. One package (1/4 lb) ground beef, unopened.
10. One common grackle, deceased. (Broken neck?)
11. One item, unidentified. (Artificial hair?)
12. One paper cup, large (marked “Big Gulp”).
13. One copy, Summer Sale Sensation catalogue for plus-sized women.
14. One package, EPT Early Pregnancy Test, opened.
15. One package, Oscar Mayer Bacon (1/2 lb. size), empty.
MCSWEENEY'S QUARTERLY SUBSCRIPTIONS
“An enduring literary presence.”—Chicago Tribune
“Brilliant and always surprising.”—Detroit Free Press
Subscribe to McSweeney’s Quarterly today.
Use the code TENDENCY at checkout for $5 off.
Please help support our writers and keep our site ad-free by becoming a patron.
Suggested Reads
Trending 🔥
-
April 25, 2025This Five-Hundred-Word Bumper Sticker on My Tesla Explains Why I’m Not a Bad Person
-
May 8, 2025An Open Letter to Robert F. Kennedy Jr., Who Thinks My Daughter Is a Tragedy
-
May 6, 2025Introducing Our University’s New, Totally Reasonable Criteria for Promotion and Tenure
-
May 5, 2025Lest We Forget the Horrors: An Unending Catalog of Trump’s Cruelties, Collusions, Corruptions, and Crimes